Better in 2024: May

This has been one of those months where I've kind of lost track of time. There are lots of good reasons for it in this particular month -- in particular, a lot of happy family get-togethers -- but the end result is that this past Monday, I totally forgot it was the last week of the month and I neglected to do my monthly One Little Word post! So I'm squeezing it in on this last day of the month. Thank you, as always, to Carolyn, for hosting a monthly link-up and, in this instance, for keeping the link party open all week so I can join in!

It was probably a good thing I had to push this post off for a few days because I was struggling a bit with how Better has appeared in my life this month. Certainly I'm always trying to improve in many facets of my life: increasing my running distance before I pause to walk, eating less of what's not so good for me and more of what is, not procrastinating on things on my to-do list, using up the yarn that I already own and reading books that I already have, etc. But that's ongoing and not unique to this month. Then I remembered something rather extraordinary that happened just this past weekend.

Before I go into that, though, there's something you need to know about me: I'm scared of flying. I have a fear of heights and easily get claustrophobic, and when you combine those with a lack of control (which is what happens when you're a passenger in a metal tube in the sky), you get fear of flying. This is something I've dealt with pretty much all my life, but it really got bad after 9/11, for obvious reasons. I've taken steps to deal with it, and I do fly, obviously, though I'm always a bit anxious. But here's the amazing thing that happened over the weekend: Despite my usual anxiety and despite the fact that the flight home on Sunday was bumpy enough that the flight attendants couldn't pass out drinks and snacks, I actually managed to sleep a little on the flight. It was really just a cat nap, but it was completely out of the norm for me.

You could say this means that I'm getting Better at flying, but I'm thinking bigger picture here. Maybe it's age, maybe it's the anti-anxiety meds, but I think what this shows me is that I'm getting Better at not worrying about the stuff I can't control. Flying is a pretty obvious example, but there's also been a lot going on at work the past couple of months affecting my day-to-day routine and in which I've had no say. I suspect we all have an illusion that we control much of what happens in our lives, but the older I get, the more I realize that really the only thing I can control is my reaction. (Funny, that's precisely what I used to say to Mo when she was little and was frustrated with classmates or teachers. I suppose I should have listened to myself a lot sooner!) So I guess the take-home message this month is that Better has been about accepting that I'm not always the captain of my own ship and not getting upset about that fact. I'm sure it's a lesson I'll continue to remind myself of for the rest of my life -- though I'll start with this afternoon, when my daughter graduates from middle school and I'll have to deal with the fact that she is growing up and is no longer my baby!