It is, unbelievably, the last Monday in August. Rainbow goes back to school tomorrow, and the Mister and I will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary on Friday. Summer is coming to an end. And today it's time for my monthly One Little Word check-in and the link up that Carolyn so kindly hosts.
Growth this month has been very much of the personal variety. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my body, how I feel about it, and how I choose to treat it. Like many women, I've long had a complicated relationship with my body -- most of the time that means I haven't liked it. It's nearly impossible to avoid the messages that women get sent all the time that they should be thin and pretty and flawless. And that's just ... not me. In fact, I'm finally beginning to accept that will never be me. I've lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off, but I'm never going to look like a model in an advertisement. And that's okay. Because you know what? My body is pretty amazing. I mean, it grew and birthed and fed a human -- a human who is now almost as tall as I am! My body is strong and allows me to go about my day without pain, even when I ask it to do a little more. And the big lesson I've learned this month is that my body also sends me signals when I need to be a little more gentle with it.
I think I mentioned recently that I started running again. I got really into running that first summer of the pandemic, when pounding the pavement was the primary way I dealt with the stress and anxiety. And then that fall I did ... something ... to my right hip. I didn't fall or do anything specific I could identify; I just knew that all of a sudden my hip really hurt. And so I stopped running and started doing longer walks instead. Occasionally I'd try to run to see if the hip still hurt, and if it did, I stopped. Finally in the last year I've been able to run a little again, and I'm now doing it regularly. But instead of running the old way, when I'd try to run as long as I could before stopping and keep trying to increase the time and distance I could go, I've been doing more of an interval training thing: I run a couple of blocks, then walk a couple of blocks. I alternate for the whole workout (usually around 7 miles). Sometimes, if it's really nice and cool outside (so I don't feel like I'm melting) and if I have a stretch where I've got a downhill slope, I might do more than a couple of blocks. On a couple of occasions, I've run a mile straight -- just to see if I could and to see what my pace was like. But I've found that my body (and especially my joints) is happier with me if I alternate running and walking and if I just walk every two or three days. I still get a good workout every day, and not every one has to be high intensity. The goal is to keep moving.
The Mister and I are signed up for the Great Race 5K in September. In a previous year, I would have been pushing myself so that I could run the whole thing. This year? Meh. I figure I'll do what I can, and as long as I'm listening to my body, having fun, and not hurting myself, I'll be happy. I know I am not, and never will be, an elite athlete. I'm not going to win any races or set any records. The only person I am competing with is me, and I've decided I really don't need to set a new PR every year. The reality is that I've probably peaked and am unlikely to get much faster. So now the goal is just to be able to finish. I'm hoping that I can keep running for years yet -- because even though I still kind of hate it while I'm doing it, I do love the strong feeling I get from having done it. I like the muscle definition I can see in my legs after I've been running regularly. I like that good feeling of exhaustion after a long run in the heat. I like chugging cold water and standing under a cool shower and feeling the heat leave me. And I really like not having terrible pain because I've pushed myself too far or too hard. Moderation in all things, right?
Last month my big growth was in thinking of myself as an adult. Well I can tell you with certainty that my body has long felt like an adult and does not work as well or recover as quickly as it once did. Being honest with myself about that means that I can take steps (ha) now so that I can keep moving long into the future.
I didn't pick up on it 'til the end of your post, but this month feels like the culmination of "Oh, yes. I AM an adult!" Not because you're noticing limitations--but because you've figured out a way to work with them, appreciate your body, and celebrate what you can do. (Which is a lot! 7 miles!!) Cheering here, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteI am applauding you for seeing your body as beautifully YOU... which it absolutely is!! (and it is also very wise to listen to your body...go you!)
ReplyDeleteI think that this is some phenomenal growth Sarah!
It's great to discover how far you can push yourself and also know your limitations. It's a good thing you have discovered both of them! You are quite a few years younger than I am, but the goal is to keep moving at any age, and the best way to do that is to treat your body with kindness.
ReplyDeleteOh yay for listening to your body. And yay for accepting your body. It took me years to do that (and, like Bonny, I'm quite a bit older than you). Welcome to adulthood - -LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou have made a giant leap in terms of accepting what you can and cannot do and I think that's wonderful. Body acceptance is such a hard thing for women of all sizes, it's something I've been working on a lot lately.
ReplyDeleteYou have my permission to give yourself a little pat on the back for what you have accomplished in personal growth and body knowledge. Yay, you!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much!
DeleteWhat a beautiful post, Sarah. I'm cheering you on -- for running and getting past an injury, sure. But mostly for listening to your body and what that means for YOU, for adapting the way you move so you can KEEP moving, and for loving your body just as it is. What great growth lessons for you -- and also for Rainbow! XOXO
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. Listening to and appreciating the body for what it is so important. I applaud your running/walking workout. To continue to move is an important goal, at every age. Movement is life affirming and life giving. Whoo-hoo for your personal growth this month.
ReplyDeleteWow - you have a busy week! I hope Rainbow's first day of school went well.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love this post. I'm not a runner and it's difficult for me to go outside for walks given the location of our house, but I LOVE my spin bike. I always have to talk myself into hopping on, but once I'm there? I love it. I also love that there is zero competition built into it, other than with myself because I can get discouraged really easily.
I enjoyed your thoughts on our bodies as the years creep in. I'm working hard to appreciate my body for all that it's done and is still able to do... and I'd like to keep my physical abilities for as long as I can!! The only way to do that is to keep moving. Thank you for all of the encouragement :)
This is such a great word for you Sarah ... these monthly posts reflect growth in some many aspects of you and your life. It's such a gift to cheer you on! (I started a new workout routine on Monday and today was day 3 and my hamstrings are so sore walking is hard. It feels good to know I'm using my muscles in some new ways.)
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